And so I ask...

I often wonder,
'how does one go about fully trusting another.
Trusting them enough, to give your all to them.
Trusting them enough, to give you HEART to them.'

The thought alone makes me nervous and never want to do it.
So the action is damn near impossible for me.
Don't get me wrong...
I want to find my "soul mate",
I want my own little family,
and I don't NEED the "Happily ever after".
I just wouldn't mind a "Happy after all".

I've found, over the years, that it is much easier,
AND less heartbreaking if I just keep to myself,
and not allow anyone to get the best of me.
I'm tired of the lies, the games...
I'm tired of these so-called "straight up guys".

Maybe i just let my insecurities get the best of me.
I've been hurt a good amount of times in the past.
It's hard to let go and pretend that it didn't happen.
Everytime i get to feeling this way,
I think about every other time i felt like this,
and remember the way it was...
I remember what was said,
how I felt,
then tell myself,
"Don't fall again."

And so I ask,
"How do you know?
How can you tell?
Does everyone have that special someone?"

R E C A P .

soooooooo,
as far as my resolutions go,
i haven't fulfilled ANY of them...
well, for the most part.
-i don't think i've gone to the gym AT ALL this month.
-i washed my car like ONCE.
-no shelves.
-i HAVE spent less, and saved more.
[probably the ONLY resolution i've kept to. boo tina!]
-lol... so spaghetti factory DID like me enough to hire me.
but really, it was NOT worth it.
so after just TWO days, done.
-i have NOT looked into the teaching degree.
-i've slowly packing things up at my parents house to bring to ewa beach.
theres still A LOT to go through. =/
-i have NOT gone to the beach at ALL!
again, boo tina!

this year just hasnt been nice to me at all.
i feel that everything that could have possibly gone wrong,
DID!
i partially, wait, i TRULY believe that a lot of it has to do with the fact that my relationship with God hasnt been good for a LONG while.
and now, it's finally catching up to me.
i know my duties as a believer,
but i have YET to fulfill it.
i know that if i put forth and honest effort to re-connect with God,
things will get better for me.
i know that i have to be patient with these things,
and i really have no one to blame but myself.
so i'm not upset, i'm not looking for any pity...
i'm merely taking it in stride and knowing that things will get better in time.
i'm taking responsibility for my own actions as any mature adult would in the situations i've been given.

my march resolutions.
-Go to Church
[reconnect myself with God. i NEED to.]
-READ!
[i've piled up a stack of books that i want to read. which STILL includes the Da Vinci Code.]
-CLEAN!
[the house, my CAR, the room... PUT UP THE SHELVES! lol. with everything that's been going on, i just haven't found the dirve to do it. how pathetic! =/]
-continue looking for a second job.
[anyone know of anyone hiring? lol. =]]
-beach?
[go as often as i possibly can, if ever i can! spring break is coming up!!!]

i'm gonna try and keep it short and simple.
hopefully i'll be able to keep up with atleast HALF of them...
we'll see.


LASTLY...
this month only,
two people that i've known,
and one that i've loved,
passed.

R.I.P.
Shane Amion-February 23,2009
Kuya Ador- February 25, 2009

Here's to the next 40 days...

With Lent upon us,
I feel that I should give myself a visual reminder of the things I plan on happening during the next 40 days.

For this Lent,
I originally intended on satrting it out with a thurough cleanse.
I had intended on doing the lemonade & cayenne pepper cleansing.
But due to my hectic schedule this week,
I found no time to purchase the items neccessary for the cleanse.
So as soon as i am able to go out and purchase these things,
I will go ahead and do so.
=]
Perhaps tomorrow since I will be in the area.

Aside from that, I plan on swearing off all sodas and fast food chains [McDonalds, Jacks, etc.]
I'm hoping that with the cleanse and the "no fastfoods",
it'll help me to make better choices.
=]
That's just another one of my goals...
So essentially,
I'm killing two birds with one stone.
I'm fulfilling my "fast" for Lent,
AND I'm making decisions for healthier choices.
=]

Not too shabby if i do say so myself.
So here's to the next 40 days!
I had a great big dinner at CPK with Lea,
Now I'm ready!
BRING IT ON!
ahahah.
=]

january's recap. february's resolutions.

soooo, as far as my january resolutions go,
i think i faired pretty even.

i ended up reading and finishing up the last book in the twilight series, "breaking dawn".
i will say this, it was a good read, but eventually,
it became fairly predictable.
but all in all, i still loved it.
=]

as far as the job hunting and saving money issue,
i actually have an orientation at the spaghetti factory on tuesday *fingers crossed*
and really, i havent been spending as much as i usually would.
so i'm proud of myself for that.
lol.

my shelves...
so sad, i didnt put them up.
not yet at least... soon though. =]

the gym...
gosh, it's been so difficult getting to the gym this month.
i've been pretty sick this whole month...
i'm still not fully over it.
it really sucks.
so needless to say,
but i havent gotten to the gym as often as i wanted.
i did go tonight though!
yay me!
=]

lastly, washing the car...
ugh, with all these stupid "storm watches"
i really didnt wash my car.
i did like twice.
thats it...
for the WHOLE month...
lame.
but like the gym, i did wash my car today.
=]
yay me!


now for february resolutions.
-just like january, continue going to the gym.
-again, wash my car weekly. =]
-put up shelves.
[i also want to put up some glass shelves... =]]
-continue saving more and spending less.
-hope and pray spaghetti factory like me enough to hire ASAP. lol.
-since i have finished the twilight series. i borrowed dads 'Da Vinci Code"
[my book of the month. i've seen the movie, but of course, as with every other book made movie, the book is usually better. i can't wait! ]
-look further into a teaching degree.
[i've come close to being 100% certain on what i want to do with the rest of my life. i've been thinking about going into education and being a special needs teacher.]
-go through my things at the makakilo house and take whatever i need.
[it's so much of a hassle to have to go back and forth. plus, i think mom likes the idea of me being out so she can continue to turn my whole room into a walk-in closet... =/]
-go to the BEACH!
[we all know how white[r] i've gotten over the years... it sucks! i HATE it! lol. i intend on fixing this! =]]


soooo, i'm pretty sure i've covered it all for february.
=]
i hope that feb. is just as good, if not better, than jan.
=]

Ne-Yo!

soooo, last night was the Ne-Yo concert...
OMG! totally worth the mere $60 we paid!
i will say that it was a semi short set, but still,
totally worth it!
i did get a bunch of pretty alright pictures,
but these were the best. =]

dee and i had a great night rockin out to Ne-Yo.

he's such an amazing song writer and artist.

i swear, no matter how im feeling,

listening to his music just puts me into a great, shining mood.

theres something about him.

LOVE him!

=]

by far one of my absolute favorite Ne-Yo songs..
new kids ain't got NOTHIN' on him! lol.
=]

go on girl...
another favorite...

i'm telling you,
i just LOVE him!


i've been having a bad day.
too many stresses in life.
and im only 22.
that's insane!
but i have my Ne-Yo music goin,
it's freeing my mind,
and dammit,
it feels GREAT!

good night!
=]